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Retention Issue

December 13, 2024 by Tim

Now that my kids are older and more social, I’m constantly meeting new people through school or sports, etc, and its really exacerbated an issue I’ve always had which is difficulty remembering people’s names after the first meeting. Faces? I’m great with faces. But I hear the names, and they just don’t… stick. I’m assuming it’s because my brain is so preoccupied with trying not to look like a complete idiot that there’s just no room to absorb whatever you just said your name was.

Similarly, I’ve had no luck remembering to do the mnemonic tricks like repeating their name, or making an associative connection, so mostly I just rely on my wife, who is much better at keeping track of all the people we now know. At least until I’ve met them 2-3 times and my brain gets the hint that maybe this is information we’re going to need to hold onto going forward.


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Flanker
Flanker
30 days ago

I can never remember the full name after the first time I hear it as introduction. Almost never. Not helping 😀

K.P.
K.P.
30 days ago

Same here, been recently diagnosed with ADHD as an adult (mixed but mostly inattentive), so this might be one of the causes in my case 😀

Okars
Okars
30 days ago

It’s just human, Tom.

I have the same thing. Now, I just repeat the name into his/her face with a small nod. It’s polite and it actually fucking helps.

A bit.

Jedi
Jedi
30 days ago

Huh … so i’m not the only one that is bad with remembering names …

MasterofBalance
MasterofBalance
30 days ago

Yes, let’s all avoid the not pictured but clearly available giant ass “overthink” switch in the back of that mechanism

Tim L
Tim L
30 days ago

The trick to solving this problem is realizing that people are generally not as bothered as you might expect when you forget their name. Just *ask*.

Swiftbow
Swiftbow
30 days ago
Reply to  Tim L

This is pretty true, because everybody else forgets names, too. If they remembered yours, you just got lucky.

Swiftbow
Swiftbow
30 days ago
Reply to  Tim L

Can’t seem to edit, so adding on… I was reading once that the reason for this is because of how our weird brains are put together. The parts of our brains that recognize faces are very old and common amongst most animals. The parts of our brains that remember names are more newly evolved and are tied to language processing. These two sectors are only loosely attached. So it takes a bit of effort for our brains to attach names and faces together in our neural database. And usually a lot of repetition. I find that I can usually remember… Read more »

Steve
Steve
30 days ago
Reply to  Swiftbow

At least you can remember the faces… I’m pretty bad with those too, without a lot of repitition. Current job, met a guy once, ran into him at a pizza shop *weeks* later. Totally blanked. He’s all “Hey Steve how are you?” and it took me a minute to even process it *was* a coworker as I’d only met him once for like 2 minutes. I think I was just all “Good, how are ya, good to see ya” … I know his name NOW, but I bet I still would not pick up on him easily out and about.… Read more »

Gonfrask
Gonfrask
30 days ago

Same here, but nothing like a future awkward moment to remember perfectly the name

Rob
Rob
30 days ago

I’ve taken to just just writing them down in my notes app with their most distinctive features and where I met them.

Mastacheata
Mastacheata
29 days ago
Reply to  Rob

So every time you see someone in public and they greet you, you tell them –

Hey there, mind doing a little twist for me so I can see your most notable features and look them up before I have your name ready? 🤣

Jeff
Jeff
26 days ago
Reply to  Rob

I wrote my comment before I saw yours. It is such a simple solution that no one thinks of doing.

Quilla
Quilla
30 days ago

Silly brain, not remembering someone’s name is one of the things that can lead to overanalyzing

*Laughs in ADHD*

Darkhorse
Darkhorse
30 days ago

According to psychology, most people aren’t good at names. At all.

Then there’s these people who somehow absorb all names within a kilometre radius, including birthdays, star signs, extended family and what you ate for dinner the last few days, intentionally or unintentionally degrading everyone who is unable to do so. Basic information everyone should know, amIright?

Pedro Silva
Pedro Silva
30 days ago

This is so familiar and on point that it hurts!

I have people at work that I say hello almost every day for 6+ years now and I can’t remember their names and it’s just too awkward to ask it again.
So, I just use the good old “hey you!” or “how are you, _dude_?” and hope for the best

Phil M
Phil M
30 days ago

A good tip I heard was to say the name back, “Hi Matt, great to meet you” type thing. Just helps it land a bit better

Jack0r
Jack0r
30 days ago

I love how all of the emotions in Tim’s brain are just identical. There’s only one emotion there: Tim.

Revan
Revan
30 days ago

Uh. Tim, You’ve just described me, even if you embellished the story saying that thing about kids, i dont have any yet.

Soeroah
Soeroah
30 days ago

I’ve had a guy at work calling me by my first name for over a year and it took me six months to figure out what his name was and retain it

VibrantEvolution
VibrantEvolution
30 days ago

Meeting people like Matt and Chris and Marie and Susan with kids like Jack and Tina and Christine and Peter is all fine. Mine are coming home with friends that are called Muhammadin, Assadulah, Fahrad en Fouzan. No disrespect for these names but it just makes everything a tad more difficult XD

WildBill
WildBill
30 days ago

I am this too, takes weeks to remember people’s name. Had a coworker that on here intro meeting remembered 15 people’s names on the first try. Unfortunately she was useless at anything else.

naustghoul
naustghoul
30 days ago

Had this issue, then realized I just do not care. Say their name a couple of times in conversation, if you feel like it. Otherwise just see them again, say that while you are great with faces, but apologize you do not remember their name. If they say anything grating (“What you do not remember my name?!?” “How could you forget my name?”) you do not need to know that person anyway.

Nik
Nik
30 days ago

Uhh.

What’s this comic writer’s name again?

justathought
justathought
29 days ago
Reply to  Nik

Tom I think …. kidding..

Urazz
Urazz
29 days ago
Reply to  Nik

Theodore if I recall. No, no, Ted. lol

Farstrider
Farstrider
30 days ago

For reals, though…I had forgotten Matt’s name by the second panel. By the end of the strip I totally thought it was ‘Andrew’ and I had to read it again.

Just came back from a weekend event where I met so many new people and completely struggled with names for three days.

jam szechuan
jam szechuan
30 days ago

As an enjoyer of the comic since CAD1.0, I have never felt so seen

ReaverRogue
ReaverRogue
30 days ago

Tom, seriously. Don’t sweat it.

Ximvu
Ximvu
30 days ago

Part of the challenge is that we don’t use the name in the conversation and so you don’t need to use it until, usually, days later. Our memory system generally works best if we have to use the thing we’re supposed to remember. If I’m at a party or event of some kind I’ll try and make a game of it. Anytime I’m idle I’ll scan the room for people I met and say in my head “That was Matt, that was Frank, that was Sam”. If you can do this 10 times or so by the end of the… Read more »

darius404
darius404
30 days ago

I just TELL people I’m bad with names. Unless I interact with someone a lot, they aren’t bothered by this. It’s pretty common.

Matt
Matt
30 days ago

Five minutes later: “WE THREW OUT HIS NAAAME!”

Bogdan
Bogdan
30 days ago

“I once worked with a guy for tree years and never learned His name. Best friend I ever had.”

Kenju
Kenju
30 days ago

I’m the same, difference is all the guys in my head running everything are also on unicycles powering the machine lol

Derfman
Derfman
30 days ago

In the medical profession this is called being human. Casually remembering names is a rare skill developed by a scant few. They usually end up in politics or elite sales. Now this only applies to the male of the species as the females have no problem bringing up the names of all the bums you have associated with in your life.

Will B.
Will B.
30 days ago

My retention is directly tied to reading. If you have a name tag, there’s a 400% better chance I’ll remember your name. Also why I don’t care for audiobooks… I just can’t remember them like reading the book.

chargersfan
chargersfan
30 days ago
Reply to  Will B.

Similarly, I like to ask people how their name is spelled, even if it is fairly simple. I need to see the arrangement of letters in my head to have a better chance at remembering it.

Urazz
Urazz
29 days ago
Reply to  Will B.

Yeah, name tags help, but it also helps if I see them on a fairly regular basis as well.

Phaet
Phaet
30 days ago

I could never remember names. Unless they’re somewhat unique. It’s still hard for me. My father was angry! Told me to memorize names of all people in my class. “Why? I won’t see them again in few years when I leave school” to which he slapped me. And I was right, I do not remember. The concept of names is so weird for me especially since we know who we are, so why complicate it with names?
God so many bad memories….

Eldest Gruff
Eldest Gruff
30 days ago

Small talk sucks. I don’t care about my job, and can’t imagine you care about mine. I didn’t watch the game last night. I have no idea if they’re going to go “all the way.” I don’t listen to the music you listen to, and I don’t watch the shows you watch. You don’t read the books I read or play the games I play. And if I share any of those, you’ll probably respond with, “Oh, yeah, I think that my son likes that, too. He’s nine.” Just hand me a business card with all the interesting highlights about… Read more »

Garth
Garth
30 days ago

Same, and my wife fortunately is a willing crutch. We’re having a Christmas open house on the weekend, at which my mental Rolodex will surely be tested.

luckyfalkor84
luckyfalkor84
30 days ago

that last panel made me think of Invader Zim in that first episode.
“pull some levers, PULL SOME LEVERS!!” -Zim (while destroying his home planet… by accident)

ZFTX
ZFTX
30 days ago

My solution, don’t! Just talk with people without using proper names. TBH, I probably could not remember my name half of the time, so how could I tell it to someone else and then expect them to remember it?

Kalon
Kalon
29 days ago

ive stated to cheat by repeating name in my head pretending ive got txt and made a note on my phone of their name plus gen descrip and saving it

Oddbodkin
Oddbodkin
29 days ago

I shouldn’t worry about it.
I’m the same way. I owned & ran a fishing tackle shop for 20 years & my customers became used to my inability to remember their names.
Maybe after fifty visits, their name would finally lodge somewhere in my cranium.

ACasualObsession
ACasualObsession
29 days ago

I feel personally attacked.

Paula
Paula
29 days ago

Our brain is overflooded with information. It is normal if you cannot remember the names of every single person you met. Just relax. The next time, if you do not remember his/her name, just tell him/her so. I am pretty sure only jerks are offended if you do not remember them after a casual meeting. We are all just human. So it is not such a big deal to say “Sorry, I know I met you in … (you said you remember the faces) but I just can’t remember your name right now”. Besides that, if you met somebody you… Read more »

Crestlinger
Crestlinger
29 days ago

Easy one here ‘Welcome! Matt! Welcome! Right this way..’
A universal solution is to Always ask for their name, then when they say their first name go ‘No I got that, your surname/last name.’

West
West
29 days ago

Don’t worry, Tim, we’ve all been there. For places I visit often or important networking events, I add new names to a list. I’m usually good with faces, so it helps me match the names to the right people later.

Shona-SoF
Shona-SoF
29 days ago

This. All of this. Stupid brain, prioritize name retention!!! maybe even a face or two!

Angrylittleman
Angrylittleman
29 days ago

It takes me four to five times to remember someone’s name.

justathought
justathought
29 days ago

I can’t seem to hold onto names or faces… as for making an idiot out of myself that seems to come naturally to me. If there is a way to screw up an interaction, I’ll find it like a bloody homing pigeon… 🙄🤦‍♂️

Urazz
Urazz
29 days ago

For me, it really depends on how often I meet said person. I’d have to meet them on a regular basis to remember their name, i.e. at least once a week. I might be able to get by with once a month if I meet them on something important to warrant remembering their name.

I might even forget a person’s name if I haven’t seen them in a long time, unless they did something memorable enough that I won’t ever forget their name, or I just knew them for that long.

Swordust
Swordust
29 days ago

Haha, I know!

… You’re name was Tom, right?

Little_Dragon
Little_Dragon
29 days ago

I was going to ask why all your brain cells are redshirts, and then I thought about it for more than a moment.

Michael Delaney
Michael Delaney
29 days ago

Its just how the human brain handles language.
Like verbal and written language is not a natural brain function, it takes effort.

Your too busy recalling words to greet the someone, to commit their greeting to memory. Its basically read/write lag. The more scripted the response, the worse you remember conversations.

Sweetos
Sweetos
29 days ago

thought it was completely normal needing to hear a name at least 20 times before you remember it

Just Martin
Just Martin
28 days ago

Wow this one hit very close to home. That is exactly me in every single interaction.

Kal
Kal
28 days ago

oh yeah, this is me. As I get older I struggle with this more and more (especially after catching COVID), and I can’t just go “hey, the face I recognize!”