Hey, don’t you even think about insulting that furry-drawing Canadian! He gave his life to help me get across the border to end your minute reign of tyranny!

Scott was riding in the passenger seat as we blasted through the border checkpoint without stopping. We had thought we’d made it through clear, but then the mounties opened fire on us. I made it through unscathed, but they killed Scott, and took out one of my back tires.

I had to dump the car and the evidence in one of the great lakes and hike through the woods of greater New York until I happened upon this farmhouse. Now I’m using dial-up to make this post. That’s right. Dial-up! You did this to me, Brian! You did this to me!

As soon as Mrs. McClintock is done preparing the apple cider, we’re going to ride into town and I’ll catch a bus home to New Hampshire.

You’ve driven your last tank into the water, pal. Your days of internet thievery and eating tuna that isn’t dolphin safe are over. Oh noes! Did I let your other secret slip?

I guess now you’ll have to deal with the animal rights activists as well. Dolphin killer!