Who needs a therapist when I can vent through comics.
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Who needs a therapist when I can vent through comics.
I wonder what kind of training a normal scorpion needs to go through in order to become an anal scorpion.
4 years of body cavity school and 2 years of anal specialism.
With a minor in pain.
Spelunking.
no training, just special equipment: A tiny mining helmet and extra spikes on its carapace
They just wake up one day in a tiny room, standing in front of a tiny desk, where a tiny red scorpion wearing a shirt and tie is reviewing a clipboard. “Wow, you were a pretty terrible scorpion,” it says. “Looks like you’ll be burrowing into people’s asses for eternity.”
1 count: Stinging a frog that had selflessly offered passage across a river
Okay he did that. Did he also drive down the shoulder?
I can’t tell you how many times people zip down the shoulder to get ahead of congestion.
Spent 2 hours in traffic jam caused by a pretty severe wreak. The number of people that drove on the shoulder to get ahead, or attempt a force merge left me dumbstruck.
Yeah, and there’s never a statey around to bag them either.
That drives me crazy. One day I’d like to see one of those shoulder drivers collide with one of the lookyloos that likes to dip onto the shoulder just to try to see around the car in front of them.
A friend of mine was one of our provincial police. There had been a roll-over in the median on the Trans Canada highway. Another police vehicle was stopped with lights on at the site and the officer from that vehicle was already triaging the upside down vehicle in the median. The other officer with my friend was slowing down, turn signal on, to turn onto a connector between the two lanes when a rubbernecker in a mini-van slammed into the back of their patrol car at highway speed. My friend’s concussion (heaped onto one from the military and one from… Read more »
I’m sorry to hear about your friend. If only people on average were more empathetic and didn’t lose sight of the fact that when we’re in vehicles, we’re driving around machines with the potential to harm or kill.
No. You don’t want that. Because if that happens, you’ll be in back of them and have to get around a second accident.
You have to be careful though. In many places when there is road work bringing the lanes down to one, they usually put up a sign allowing usage of breakdown lanes. Many people miss those signs and try to act as enforcers by riding between lanes and causing more issues.
Witnessed this past weekend during a short trip, two (or three) additional types of folks who require the above punishment: 1) The driver who camps out in the left lane (of a two or three lane highway), with their cruise control set just below the speed of the flow of traffic. They are impossible to pass when the come abreast of a truck going about the same speed and cause backups that go on for a while. Then yahoos cut in the smallest space in the line of traffic slowing the line behind them when someone just taps on their… Read more »
Depends on the “down” direction, some people have their reward on earth.
There is little that can safely be done to prevent the forced merger… but i can and WILL put 2/3 of my truck over the line for the shoulder, making sure that anyone who wants to do 50 down the shoulder like a spoiled brat has to risk their vehicle in the grass and whatever it conceals unless they want to do 3 mph like the rest of us…
And i cant count how often i’ll leave a car-length of room ahead of me.. and ‘straddle’ that shoulder to prevent idiots from doing just that… yet because ive left room, i can easily get out of the way of emergency crews using the shoulder to get to the scene.
A funny subject as it’s one of those where none of the sides can ever convince the other one.
And this case seems special as it highly depends on the situation, yet usually people side with one of those 2 options (do or do not (there is no try)) at all times without any second thought.
The comic is correct – people who do that deserve the anal scorpions.
Yeah, if there’s a lot of traffic then the correct way is to merge at the merge point, not early. Much better traffic flow if everyone is just doing the zipper merge. They even put up traffic signs nowadays to try and teach people.
For a merge you zipper, for an exit or a turn you get in at the back of the line.
I don’t want to call the zipper merge a fantasy, but it really does take a lot of effort to get people to do it. Hence the reason for putting up a lot of signs to try to teach it. In most places in the US, people won’t take turns, the people in the main lane are going to drive bumper to bumper and not let you in until you force your way in(or until you get luck and a nice person lets you in). At that point it isn’t really a zipper merge anymore.
Zipper merge is stupid easy and basically automatic. Cars get to the merge point and they go one after the other. The road basically forces this to happen by virtue of volumetric compression. It’s a lot less effort than trying to harangue your way into a lane of cars.
I have never seen people refuse to let in a merge before. If the car is ahead of you, you let them pass and move in behind. The person behind you would literally have to hit your car to keep you out and then its an accident they’re responsible fore.
I’m fully in favor of a zipper merge. I do it every time. But. Today a BOX TRUCK decided to tailgate a car specifically not to let me in. Me, who was timing his merge perfectly to unobtrusively fit into the space between them.
Sorry, Tim, but the box-truck-dude deserves the scorpions, not the tiny Honda Civic who uses his merge-lane time to adjust his speed to match the gaps in traffic at the merge point.
The zipper merge method is based on the flawed assumption that increasing the density of cars improved traffic, like stacking Tetris blocks so you don’t flow out the top. However, traffic works more like fluid dynamics, and unpredictability/entropy leads to turbulence that causes inefficiencies in flow. The problem with the zipper method when one line of traffic is moving slow (the merge-into lane) and the other line of traffic is moving fast (the merge-out-of lane), it causes people to slow down and try and process what’s going on, which slows down traffic. The act of shifting in and out of… Read more »
Although I think the comic is referring to people that try to drive past an exiting lane and it’s traffic and force their way in. Not say a construction or lane reduction merge like I mentioned.
I just got here and am out of the loop. How come this comment got down voted so much? Could somebody eli5?
Because he is talking about a construction merge from two lanes, where you should zipper merge, but lots of people think you should not zipper merge and just get into the lane early. But the comic is not talking about that. It is talking about exit lanes where everyone is lined up, and someone is just cutting the line and trying to merge in at the off ramp.
Wait, there are lines for off ramps in some cities? I was trying to figure out what he was complaining about, and I thought it was when a lane ends and you have to merge.
I have often made the mistake of seeing an empty lane to drive in, then come around a turn and discover the lane is closed and have to merge back in. I’m guessing that’s not the same thing.
I have never seen an off ramp with a line that extends onto the freeway unless there’s some horrid accident.
Okay, so check this image out here: How do I exit a freeway? (driverseducationusa.com) Now, see the arrow at the bottom right? What Tim is complaining about is if you are where that arrow is and are trying to merge left because you just got onto interstate, but someone cuts in front of you to get in the exit lane (solid white line) forcing you to stay in the lane and onto the exit ramp. Many interstate exits/entrances in the USA are shaped like a clover leaf, like this: Cloverleaf Interchange, overpass, underpass, intersection, freeway, highway, symmetry, exit, Four-way Interchange,… Read more »
No, no, no.
lmao the fine line between artistic inspiration and road rage
Been there, felt the anger of those idiots, and this comic did exactly as its title said. Imma save this, for when such a situation happens again.
I can relate to this 100%
And I meet drivers like that on a daily basis on the way back from work. So… there are alot of anal scorpions needed at some point for sure.
I don’t get it. In Germany we are required by law to enter the other lane right before the chokepoint (“Reißverschlussprinzip”). So here it’s the other way around, you are doing it wrong if you are doing it earlier (because mathematically you will slow down the traffic even more).
Not only in Germany, but almost all of western/central Europe has the same rules – using all lanes fully up to the chokepoint shortens the traffic – matters most when the traffic extends over other crossroads, also blocking them.
That is if there is an obstacle ahead or one lane gets closed/is forced to merge with another.
The situation described in the comic however is at highway/autobahn offramps. There is no obstacle ahead and the lane on which you were before merging keeps going on. In that case you should merge into the lane closest to the offramp/exit as soon as neccessary. Reißverschlussverfahren (alternate merging) is not applicable there.
Yeah, I was almost thinking the same thing. What you’re describing is commonly called “the zipper method” in the US, and is the best way for managing traffic at a bottleneck. In the States, zippering is recommended, but not enforced by law, and it causes many people to get extremely angry at the people who use the zipper method, because they view zippering people as “cutting in line.” The longer the non-zippering people make the line, the angrier they get – the mentality of, “I waited twenty minutes to get through; they shouldn’t be able to pass by all of… Read more »
In the US people do the exact opposite of what the government says, just to spite it. Like people not wearing a mask or not wearing a seatbelt just to prove they are “independent”(even though both things hurt the person refusing to do it). So if you try the zipper, people on the one lane wont let you in until you force your way in, which slows traffic even more. In fact, I am sure most US drivers have experienced being nearly run off the road trying to merge onto a highway where the onramp completely ends and there is… Read more »
If you actually look at the studies on masks the ones that show a reduction in transmission of airborne virus’s are referring to properly fitted N95 or equivalent as being beneficial. The cloth and disposable surgical ones on the other hand that most people wear would be as effective worn as a jock strap as over the mouth. works as a spit shield but airborne virus just leak out the sides or go strait through. Even the n95 are of marginal benefit but better than nothing. Need a full respirator with properly rated cartridges to have a major effect on… Read more »
Enough. Don’t stink up the comments section. This has nothing to do with the comic at hand; take your soapbox elsewhere.
Yeah, the driver without the seat belt might be the one paying the ultimate price but what about the poor people who witness said accident and require treatment for the trauma?
Yeah, its your choice to be an A hole by not wearing a seat belt but at least take into consideration of those you will hit. Like people jumping in front of trains, might be a quick way to go but sure as hell going to ruin some peoples lives.
Sure, and people should be able to smoke cigarettes anywhere they want, even in elementary schools. After all, everyone is responsible for themselves, so those kids should walk away from me and my cigarette. You made a failed argument.
The proper term is zipper merge
It’s not as cut and clear as what some think. Examples I know of: In California, there are off ramps that the first sign you identifying the ramp is actually slightly BEYOND the ramp. In many jurisdictions, to avoid putting up extra signs, they skip the 2km warning sign and only have the the 1km to 500m second sign (they do it in the US too – many interstate exits I’ve seen have the sign within 30 m of the exit which doesn’t help if you don’t have any warning). Not everyone has GPS (my phone’s GPS won’t function successfully… Read more »
and here in Finland, lane in soon as possible because if road is busy,fuk you,there shall be no room to merge later (because if you slept over, happy travel to detourville,none will give you room to merge in)
You have it right. Never let these a-holes in. Dare I say, anal scorpions for the people who do let said a-holes in. Make them give up and take the next exit!
Nah, just purgatory. Some times it’s not a question of “let.”
I’d just like to mention, I don’t think that is what Tim is mentioning, at least not my take. Here it seems to be a multilane road (e.g. Motorway / autobahn) that has an upcoming exit. The exit lane (so right most lane in US / Germany) is congested with traffic exiting the multi-lane road. The individual at hand had stayed in the flowing traffic in the outer lanes (left most, perhaps central lanes if more than 2) and then tried to pull into the congested lane *at the exit* which would not only cause a minor delay in the… Read more »
Oh I see. Yeah, Anal Scorpions it is then.
Off rams in America – in the North East at least, tend to be a one-lane, short jaunt off of a highway, usually leading straight into a red light you can ignore in certain conditions (Right turn, no traffic, no “No Turn on Red” sign). If there is more than one lane, it’s usually because there’s a left/right split at the end of the ramp. Normally traffic flow is smooth enough for this to be OK. Under heavily congested conditions however this means both the traffic at the end of the ramp is preventing steady flow, because people can’t just… Read more »
https://www.alpsroads.net/roads/ma/i-90/e17.jpg Is a prime example in the Northeast. Also experience it at offramps to 90, 290, etc etc. I’m always trying my best to be kind and aware, so it really chuffs me when the douches are not only slowing down the one lane, but making it happen in the middle one as well. :/
He’s not talking about a choke point (what Americans would call a merge) He’s talking about a freeway exit.
Well this is America where people are chronically bad at thinking about how their actions affect other people. I used to get upset at these people until someone sent me a link to show that this does in fact make things go faster. But the problem is that we need to teach people that’s how it works.
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/10/business/road-rage-zipper-merging.html
http://www.dot.state.mn.us/zippermerge/
Zipper Merges are actually proven to help improve flow of traffic.
Zipper merging theory only pertains to two ongoing lanes of traffic merging into one in the event of lane closure, in order to keep all traffic moving. That’s not what this comic is about. An exit ramp on a highway turns into its own lane for the sole purpose of exiting. This exit is advertised for a mile or two in advance to warn drivers the exit is coming on on whichever side. Sometimes those exits get congested. When most people get into the advertised exit lane and form a line to exit, but some people drive past them all… Read more »
Tim, the problem is that I think most of the world, and even much of the United States doesn’t have a highway system quite as poorly planned as what we have in the Tri-State Area, I think I remember you were somewhere up here in the North East.
You’re going to need to make another comic explaining this. Also probably the urge to rush grocery stores for Milk and Bread in the event of a storm, which sometimes – though not always – precipitates the traffic issues ?
I’ve lived in five separate states in the middle of the U.S. All of them have this problem. This definitely isn’t a New England problem, this is a problem that whenever you have enough people to form a line you have enough people to find a selfish jerk who will find some way to try to cut in line.
Tim, whatever you do, do not move to Florida. You’d quickly run out of scorpions
I can only speak on behalf of the North, I only spent like two weeks in Texas and man, let me tell you the thing that stood out the most?
Lanes for days. And it just tends to be less of a problem the more lanes traffic can spread out into, that and I imagine that trying to force the merge with an individual two lanes of traffic already backed up just isn’t going to happen
Problem is, that’s not how most of the USA is. Washington DC is especially bad since the majority of the roads are two lanes, one way, and no right turns. Make ONE mistake and it can take half an hour just to get back to where you were to make the correct turn. Virginia over all is one of the worst states I’ve had the displeasure of driving though, roads are poorly maintained, heavily congested at all times of the day, and you are lucky if there are three lanes at any given point for more than maybe a quarter… Read more »
I think the next comic is just gonna have to be a diagram showing all the people who keep insisting “zipper merge” that this situation is completely different. SMH ??♂️
I agree, at this point the next comic has to be an explanation between “merging 2 lanes into 1” where Zipper Merge is viable and the best choice and AN EXIT RAMP where using the Zipper Merge would hold up 2 lanes of traffic, where the 2nd lane would be free to allow people who aren’t exiting to continue there day without having to wait for someone trying to sneak in at the last second.
i say bring the accident on, if you have right of way they gotta pay out the ass.
And that wouldn’t be enough
Poor anal scorpions. What did they do to deserve this?
In their lifetimes on earth they were the people who let people merge in…
ya i get in my lane, stay in my lane, and if you cant get in your lane in time then see you next exit bucko!
Except that several studies have already proven this to actually be the fastest way to clear a traffic congestion at a road merger. This is even a written rule in most of Western Europe, and you can get fined for not doing so.
This is not a road merger where two lanes become one. It’s people using a through lane to cut into a congested exit lane.
The police are quite clear about this in the UK. That damned soul did the right thing by merging at the choke point. Perhaps those complaining are the snowflakes in hell?
Except this isn’t talking about people merging into a zipper, it’s about someone cutting across the front of the zipper at the last second, most likely without even giving a signal (as you will slow/break out of reflex when you see them cutting in front of you).
Actually, studies show a “zipper” method (two lanes all the way to the merge point) shows that the flow moves faster than if everyone crowds into one lane well before the merge.
Tim isn’t talking about a zipper situation, he’s talking about this:
https://youtu.be/fU9t7NfiKkk?t=20
Only difference being instead of the person merging onto a freeway, they are doing this at the exit ramp.
I’ll be honest, I don’t think he’s referring to that, but rather the opposite direction of that same kind of lane. Like people are going into the exit lane properly but it got congested up top past the ramp, and some dickhead thought itd be fine to drive past the queued traffic all the way to the start of the ramp and try to force their way in there.
Kinda like when assholes use the turning lane at an intersection to get to the front and then try to slip into the traffic that’s still going straight.
and for those who fly across 4 lanes of rush hour traffic in 100 yards to make their exit it anal porcupines
and 40 counts of using the breakdown lane to try to avoid the obvious traffic merge due to roadwork ahead, all while self-righteously honking at people who justifiably don’t want to let him in after they acknowledged the signs.
Get this…my mom was DEFENDING her doing this a while ago. Because “but it’s the law to merge at the merge point, not before!” Yea bullshit, it’s not. The law is to “merge up until the merge point, whenever it’s safe to do so”.
She’s one of those people who doesn’t believe in the “Zipper” rule, isn’t she?
It is not the law, but it should actually be encouraged.
Here’s an article about it:
https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/all-hail-the-zipper-merge-how-canadian-politeness-is-killing-the-efficiency-of-our-highways
Oddly enough the zipper merge is politeness. I even made up a little rhyme for it.
You take your turn, I take mine, if we don’t fuck it up we’ll all make it on time.
This is a work of art
The next page shows 2000 counts of “merging into traffic on the freeway at 35mph”
Ah, well, since our on and off ramps have plenty of stop signs and yields that one is unfortunately an inevitability.
This made me audibly gasp. I seriously loathe these people.
My town has a highway that carves through it, so people jump on and off it after only travelling one stop. This is fine as it’s the shortest route across our hilly city. What I hate is that these societal cankers insist on staying at 60km/h, while the traffic roars by at 90km/h.
One spot is on a hill, so accelerating is already harder for some vehicles. It is near suicidal when traffic is heavy, so you’re stuck crawling up the hill.
Today’s strip is my spirit animal, but it does feel very good when you drive an old car and dare the driver. to try to force merge into you.
Oh my god, I HATE it when assholes do that. They deserve the butt scorpions.
And this is why I want a fully automated driving system. Well, that and also so I can sleep on the way to and from work.
Zipper, bro. Both lanes should be full and people should take turns. People getting in the “correct” lane way ahead of time and raging and people trying to zipper only causes more backup.
oh oh, exiting traffic. Yeah, divebombing exits is a dick move, carry on.
The amount of people who cannot read the comic or Tim’s comment spelling it out after continuously recommending a method that does not apply is sad.
I didn’t know it was a sin or even anything bad.
Folks do that with lane closures for construction too. There’ll be a bunch of signs and flashing arrows indicating a lane closure ahead. Most folks move over well in advance, but you get these type A drivers who remain in the lane until their vehicle is practically scraping the orange cones or barrels and then try to weasel their way into the other lane at the last possible second cutting somebody off. You notice that more often than not it’s usually certain types of vehicles? Luxury cars (male or female drivers), pickup trucks (male drivers), or SUVs (female drivers). What… Read more »
What you’re describing here is a situation that should use the zipper merge method: according to many links in many other comments here, it’s most efficient if people use both lanes up until the merge point, rather than changing lanes a mile ahead of time. A very different situation than what the comic references.
You don’t know how they drive in these parts. I am talking aggressive drivers who don’t acknowledge the existance of other drivers on the road. This ain’t Europe!
Zipper Merge is a thing. Not done properly in many places, but it is generally the better way to handle this situation. eg https://youtu.be/cX0I8OdK7Tk
You don’t zipper merge onto an “exit ramp”. That is what the comic is talking about.
The next circle down from this guy is full of even worse people: they cut onto the acceleration lane of on-ramps and then force their way back in at the end, to try and get a few cars further ahead.
Naw, the next circle down is for the people here in the comment section who keep insisting this is ok because it’s a zipper merge without understanding the comic OR reading the many explanations of people telling them why it’s a completely different situation.
Spot on! Now I want a dashboard sign that blinks” Congratulations, you’ve earned X anal scorpions today!”
Much worse than these guys are the ones who merge/change lanes early, messing up the efficient flow of traffic.
Half of GTA’s (Greater Toronto Area) population right there. Bastards always made me hated being trained as a courteous driver.
Most are likely Leafs fans!
Did he use turning signal, if not upgrade that punishment, the scorpions need to be wrapped in razor wire for those mouthbreathers.
I’m a huge proponent of the zipper merge when traffic decreases a lane. You go to the merge point and proceed to merge there. I will bypass all the people deciding to cut in early (100m, 200m, 400m, etc.).
But doing this for an exit?? Oh fuck that guy.
Letting them merge should at least get you purgatory for enabling.
There are so many sinful, blood pressure raising drivers out there. You have tailgaters, horn mashers, reckless over/undertakers (meaning no discredit to funeral directors or wrestlers), lane weavers, people who drive too fast or too slow, and more. Is it any wonder that more than a million people die in road traffic collisions each year when there are so many idiots out there?
Drink drivers, texting/ otherwise distracted by phone drivers, and over-tired drivers factor in as well, of course.
(Tailgaters are one of the worst of these in my opinion. Selfish disrespectors of stopping distances who deliberately put themselves and the car in front at risk, and cause more than a third of all traffic collisions https://seriousaccidents.com/legal-advice/top-causes-of-car-accidents/tailgating/ )
Use the scorpions on people that hold up traffic in the number one lane as well. It’s not the “fast” lane, it’s the passing lane. Pass, and get out of the way.
Punishment not harsh enough. Add fire ants up the other nether region and we can talk.
As much as I enjoy your comic, appreciate your humor, artistic talent, and creativity, I am afraid that I must demand you get in line right next to this guy for introducing the phrase “Anal Scorpions” to my fertile imagination. XD
However, I agree that late lane jumpers do deserve them and the pineapples that they carry.
I hate those a-holes you try and beat traffic on the freeway by using the exit ramp then immediately using the on ramp to get back on the freeway.
*laughs in Southern California*
There is an exception I can think of. Someone traveling and not familiar with local traffic patterns. Some of these car lines can stretch for quite a long way and people not familiar with the area might not think it’s for their exit.
Granted, people who do this purposefully and regularly are selfish scum.
It is a norm in some countries, though. Locals in the UAE did this (and more) regularly and it wasn’t really frowned on.
The only fault I can find, is someone this self centered probably didn’t lead a perfectly kind life.
Wow, i havent expect england and europe have this trouble too! Kazakstan with you.
Never mind. Just saw that it’s talking about offramps not zipper merges.
*Thumbs up*
The -most- comments I’ve ever seen for you Tim.
Everyone hates those types it seems, cept for the do not get it crowd over there.
37 consecutive counts. Heh or any given day driving through Montreal, Quebec.
My terrifying experience on our local two lane road was a car blowing past me at probably 70 mph, up a hill, in a clearly marked no passing zone, and into an on coming pickup truck that had just come over the other side of the hill. I had to hit the brakes to let the dirty so-and-so in before he caused a head on collision in the other lane and took me out as collateral damage. And, yes, immediately after I let him in, I laid on the horn.
The silver lining in this past year’s Covid cloud is that by working from home, I no longer have to contend with these stressful commutes. My quality of life has been vastly improved by not having to contend with road rage on a daily basis.
I feel attacked¹.
___________________________
¹: Not unjustified, unfortunately.