24

Paradise Lost

December 29, 2021 by Tim

But nooOooOo, we have to live in this nightmare instead.


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Casper
Casper
9 months ago

But what backlog could Adam and Eve possibly have in the start of creation? Some Minecraft level shit?

Last edited 9 months ago by Casper
Lord Hideous
Lord Hideous
9 months ago
Reply to  Casper

Skyrim: Genesis Edition

Smiffwilm
Smiffwilm
9 months ago
Reply to  Lord Hideous

Skyrim on the Sega Genesis? Interesting…..

Merendel
Merendel
9 months ago
Reply to  Smiffwilm

Its been ported to everything else from toasters to pregnancy tests, why not a sega genesis.

Jhaal
Jhaal
9 months ago
Reply to  Merendel

Skyrim Pregnancy Test! That really needs to happen.

Eldest Gruff
Eldest Gruff
9 months ago
Reply to  Merendel

And on the seventh day, God put down the controller and said, “OK, I think I pretty much unlocked everything I can in this sim game. I’ll just string them along for a few thousand years with promises of a messiah-level DLC, then tease the sequel in some revelation to a guy on Patmos.”

Humanity: *crucifies the DLC in reviews ’cause they wanted something different.*

God: “Well, fine, you’re banned from the sequel.”

TomB
TomB
9 months ago
Reply to  Casper

The only game you’ll ever need: Atari’s Adventure. Just watch out for the Bat – he’s a klepto.

Karrde
Karrde
9 months ago
Reply to  Casper

Because it was Paradise, they had all possible video games to play, like that alternate universe where there was a Third Force Unleashed game

Awesome
Awesome
1 day ago
Reply to  Karrde

You mean Half-Life three?

Vincent Price
Vincent Price
9 months ago

Truly, the worst timeline.

wkz
wkz
9 months ago

Throw in “infinity $$ for all micro transactions and gatchas” and we have a deal, God.

You’re perhaps asking for too much.

Scrysis
Scrysis
9 months ago
Reply to  wkz

Even better. . . no micro transations or gatchas. . .

Rob
Rob
9 months ago
Reply to  wkz

No there would be no micro transactions. Evil would not be released!

no thanks nintendo
no thanks nintendo
9 months ago
Reply to  wkz

There wouldn’t be microtransactions and gachas in the first place.

TomB
TomB
9 months ago
Reply to  wkz

There was, shortly on, a small change when one of the Angels became estranged and was cast out, whereup said Angel raised a powerful force to counter the strength of heaven.

His name was Lucifer and his army was know as ‘EA’.

Crestlinger
Crestlinger
9 months ago
Reply to  TomB

‘Evil Assholes.’ Lol it even Fits!

Thraxas
Thraxas
9 months ago

Yeah backlog is killing me too, last time with wasteland 2 (which I for some reason never finished) when wasteland 3 came out. Argh the pain

Kaitensatsuma
Kaitensatsuma
9 months ago
Reply to  Thraxas

If I had to guess based off of my memory of Wasteland 2: The arbitrary reverse bell-curve of a difficulty spike?

Thraxas
Thraxas
9 months ago
Reply to  Kaitensatsuma

Yes that and the „where the flying f do I need to go“ mentality in some parts of the game

TomB
TomB
9 months ago
Reply to  Thraxas

Partly Done: Battletech (30 days short of a 1200 day campaign) Hard West (stuck on one map where I just can’t clear it) Skyrim (level 26-30, haven’t done a single main questline, as I am trying to do 90% of the non-main story quests first) Oblivion (ran into the glitch where I got Vampirism (after dodging the spot you get it until I was forced there) and the guy with the cure never, ever, ever shows up in the capital where he’s supposed to – haven’t had the patience to start again) Super Mega Baseball 3 (Part way through my… Read more »

Thraxas
Thraxas
9 months ago
Reply to  TomB

Not only skill but in case of rpgs you need to understand the Story to and „feel“ your character“ which is why I startet pathfinder like 4 times and never finished (and probably never will)

Jere
Jere
9 months ago

You know, technically, if they don’t eat the fruit, you dont get to draw them with the SFW leafs 😀

Steve
Steve
9 months ago
Reply to  Jere

I came here to say something like that.

My head-canon is that Adam had something along the lines of a “gunpowder incident,” and they subsequently came to this conclusion without eating the fruit.

Alethio
Alethio
9 months ago
Reply to  Jere

Also: navels

James Rye
James Rye
9 months ago

*stares at all his unplayed games*
We could have lived in paradise…

MasterofBalance
MasterofBalance
9 months ago

But instead we get this

*Gets crushed under a backlog avalanche*

Me-me
Me-me
9 months ago

As one of many people who recently found a lot of time on their hands, I can tell you that much like procrastinating anything else, you don’t get to your video game backlog just because you have the time, either.

TomB
TomB
9 months ago
Reply to  Me-me

And it turns out sometimes when you THINK you’re going to have lots of time, because ‘lockdowns & so on’, it turns out many simple things are harder and more time consuming and all of a sudden, there isn’t as much time as you thought because wife needs more help, elders need more help, kids need half a teacher to augment the half that online virtual learning sort of provides, etc.

I imagined so much more could be done during the last two years… but no…. the backlog still leers and jeers at me….

Morrigan
Morrigan
9 months ago

You’re forgetting one thing:
We would never HAVE Video Games, if it weren’t for leaving Paradise. At least that’s my theory.
This is due to the fact that Humanity would need no Mastery of Nature for Survival. We wouldn’t need tools, when everything was handed to us on a silver platter. For instance, one of humanity key inventions was Fire…something we would never need, since we’d never know Cold.

Dodgy
Dodgy
9 months ago
Reply to  Morrigan

Don’t forget about the secret of steel!

TomB
TomB
9 months ago
Reply to  Dodgy

I think that involves a Riddle and some dude name ‘Crom’.

Dagroth
Dagroth
9 months ago
Reply to  Morrigan

Would we even be born? I’m not sure, but weren’t, according to the Bible, Adam & Eve immortal prior to getting exiled from Eden? What would they need kids for?

Last edited 9 months ago by Dagroth
Eldest Gruff
Eldest Gruff
9 months ago
Reply to  Dagroth

Assumed by many fundamentalists and creationists, which is used to argue against evolution – but not specifically stated. Rather, upon creation God reminds Adam that he is mortal – made of ‘dust’ – who will one day return to being dust. The ‘death’ that comes with the fall of mankind is a spiritual death to sin.

Bakhtosh
Bakhtosh
9 months ago
Reply to  Dagroth

LIterally the 28th verse in the Bible, before the fall:
…and God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it.” – Genesis 1:28

Logan
Logan
9 months ago
Reply to  Bakhtosh

“And subdue it…”

Yes, we certainly have…

TomB
TomB
9 months ago
Reply to  Logan

I don’t think that meant ‘and beat it half to death so it needs life support…’

Croi
Croi
9 months ago
Reply to  Dagroth

Yes…have you never even actually read The Bible…let alone comprehend it?

Tony
Tony
9 months ago

Now I am wondering what Garden of Eden Creation Kit really does…

Lily
Lily
9 months ago

You know how bad it is for me? Witcher 3 is on my backlog, and I owned it since two years ago.

Aichon
Aichon
9 months ago
Reply to  Lily

That’s nothing. I’ve repurchased games I have yet to get to in my backlog, sometimes multiple times and on multiple platforms, just because I “know” I’ll eventually want to play them. I’ve purchased at least four copies of the original three Fallout games from Interplay (DVD, Steam, GOG, direct download from Interplay, etc.), yet I’ve never played them.

But I will! One day! Right after I finally get around to one of my three copies of Bioshock…

Freelance
Freelance
9 months ago
Reply to  Aichon

Uh-huh. I’ve still got Disgaea 2 (and beyond) and dot//hack on my back catalogue.

no thanks nintendo
no thanks nintendo
9 months ago
Reply to  Lily

Unpopular opinion: you aren’t missing anything. Leave Witcher 3 in your backlog.

FITCamaro
FITCamaro
9 months ago

Yeah it’s just one of the best RPGs ever. Not worth it.

Tant
Tant
9 months ago

But why are they wearing leaf if they didn’t eat fruit?

TomB
TomB
9 months ago
Reply to  Tant

They are Toronto fans. Still hoping for another Stanley Cup (kind of like eternity).

FITCamaro
FITCamaro
9 months ago
Reply to  Tant

Because Tim doesn’t make hentai

Eldest Gruff
Eldest Gruff
9 months ago

Had no idea that Adam was a Canuck. Makes sense.

Ben SMith
Ben SMith
9 months ago

But if we don’t eat that fruit how will Bioware ever include moral choices in their games???

Egasilon
Egasilon
9 months ago
Reply to  Ben SMith

What moral choices? I’ve never seen those, and I’ve played… 5 BioWare games, 3 of them multiple times.

Eldest Gruff
Eldest Gruff
9 months ago
Reply to  Egasilon

Were any of them KOTOR?

Kaitensatsuma
Kaitensatsuma
9 months ago

:Has Free Time:

“You know what I really want to play right now? That game I’ve beat like 5 times from older console generations”

Dagroth
Dagroth
9 months ago
Reply to  Kaitensatsuma

That’s very true, I mean, I stopped counting, but I’ve played and finished Baldur’s Gate 2 (with variious mods) at least 10 times. And currently I’m playing XCom 2, also for the Nth time (and Children of Morta for the first time, so it’s not just replaying stuff, though).

Logan
Logan
9 months ago
Reply to  Dagroth

I don’t think Children of Morta ever *truly* ends. Sure I’ve “beaten” the story. But I keep finding new collectible/side story items. And all the characters are still barely half leveled. xD

Dagroth
Dagroth
9 months ago
Reply to  Logan

I don’t think I’ll much care about collecting everything, and levelling the characters for… what, its own sake? When they are good enough to get through the story, that’s, well, good enough for me.

Last edited 9 months ago by Dagroth
Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward
9 months ago

Not gonna lie, I’ve been following this webcomic for a while and I’ve enjoyed it, but this one is clearly one of the best strips in quite a while! Thanks for the good laugh!

Tim
Tim
9 months ago

Also: that timeline has no buggy, broken releases because infinite dev-time like infinite play-time. And the devs are angelic, sustained by positive feedback.

Arcanum
Arcanum
9 months ago

Apparently I’m weird, because I don’t look at it as a backlog. Games are supposed to be fun, and that makes it too much like work. When I feel like playing a game, I play whatever seems fun at the time. Like anything else, there will always be games that go unplayed, so there’s no point in obsessing over them.

Patz
Patz
9 months ago

The idea of feeling bad that you want to play a certain game while your backlog grows bigger flies in the face of why we play video games.
Personally, I take joy in having a long backlog, because not every game is going to be what I expect, so I instead sample games and just play what I want.
Life’s too short to spend it depressed because of some arbitrary rules about how you spend your R&R.

no thanks nintendo
no thanks nintendo
9 months ago
Reply to  Patz

Who said anyone’s depressed abut our backlogs? Good grief, way to take things to extremes.

Patz
Patz
9 months ago

Gee, way to basically ignore my point, then take my comment, which was meant to shift perspective and turn a bad thing into a good thing, so negatively. 🙄

no thanks nintendo
no thanks nintendo
9 months ago

I applaud their trigger discipline.

grizz kid
grizz kid
9 months ago

It is real. I finally just started BotW!

JD.
JD.
9 months ago

Never ever had a backlog of video games.

Shrek
Shrek
9 months ago

Great job on the trigger discipline.

Snowfae
Snowfae
9 months ago

… but then how would MMOs work? o_o

Michael
Michael
9 months ago
Reply to  Snowfae

Without an Internet connection. Giant RPG sandboxes with couch co-op, just as it should be.

Bookstore
Bookstore
9 months ago

It’s not a “backlog”, it’s a “collection”! (One day I’ll get to them, even if it’s just to try them.)

Also, Biblically, there is no “knowledge” without that tree.
That is “The Tree of the Fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil”. Specifying “good and evil” was basically that ancient culture’s way of saying “of everything”. Like saying I’ve searched “far and near” means “everywhere”.

FITCamaro
FITCamaro
9 months ago

Must be the lost 26th verse of Genesis 2.

Crestlinger
Crestlinger
9 months ago

Hehe, just picturing the ‘Adam’ from the anime Record of Ragnarok. Good stuff.

Cyrad
Cyrad
9 months ago

I literally dream of such paradise