Spore please

June 27, 2008 by Tim

After fiddling with the trial, I broke down and bought the full version of the Spore Creature Creator. I wasn’t going to, but it was only $10 and I was curious how many options it had. As a standalone product, it’s pretty flimsy (which is why it’s only $10), but at the same time really impressive to see the variety of creatures you can make. Now we just need Spore to hurry up and get here.

Some of the creatures people have created so far are extremely impressive, especially the recreations of actual objects. And then of course, there are the four-year olds who get a hold of the game. That’s nothing we haven’t been expecting since Spore was first announced years ago. What has surprised me, however, is that the practice is so pervasive that it has attracted its very own moniker.

“Sporn.” Spore pornography.

My first thought it “Awww crap, my procedural universe is going to be filled with this shit.” And then my second thought is “Well maybe if I stopped making penis cows and ballsack alligators, my universe wouldn’t be filled with them”.

I kid, but I did have some concern that there would be no selective way to filter what content is used in your game. It seems like it would either be “allow shared content” or “don’t allow shared content” and I’m not sure if there will be a middle ground.

But then the more I thought about it, the more my attitude changed. “Bring them on”, I thought to myself. What better planets to annihilate with my super mega death ray of killing stuff, that all the other planets may quiver and fall in line under the rule of the one true Emporer? I mean, how much military might could a civilization of penis creatures possibly muster against me? They would only have one eye, so their depth perception would be shit, and that’s going to throw their whole ranged attack game right out the window.

No, I shall welcome your hideous creatures into my universe when the time comes. Easy fodder for a display of power from time to time, I say.

Unless my planet is invaded and conquered by the penisfolk. Wow, that would be embarrassing, wouldn’t it?

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