EVERYTHING AFTER THIS TEXT IS A JOKE. TIM AND I HAVE TALKED ABOUT FAKING A RIVALRY FOR MONTHS. WE’RE INTERWEB CELEBRITIES, PLAYING WITH YOUR EMOTIONS IS WHAT WE DO FOR FUN.
“What happened to CAD?” you’re asking?
Brian fucking Clevinger happened. And this is only the beginning.
As those of you who have attended recent conventions where I’ve been forced to appear with “Tim Buckley” should know by now, we do not get along. And that’s being nice about it. The guy’s a complete ass. He even jerks around the ZeStuff crew who do nothing but help us!
So I figured now would be a great time to take over his site. And Pierre agreed. Usually Pierre and I are able to put up with “Tim” at conventions because we’re so busy. But Pierre’s been locked up with the jerk for a couple days and I think putting up with his shit for all that time finally broke him.
That’s right. Pierre just gave me full access to this site. Since “Tim Buckley” is hundreds of miles away, he can’t do anything about it. Do not adjust your browser, CAD is under the control of 8-bit Theater now and forever.
See, the funny thing is I can’t get away from this bastard. The same people handle our merchandising, the same people handle our ads, and the same people handle our hosting.
It didn’t start out that way but as may be obvious by now “Tim” is always copying me. Need more proof? Well, everyone knows I’ve had long to long-ish hair pretty much since 1995. Back when it was the new, cool thing to do. How about “Tim”?
“Tim Buckley’s” hair, Katsucon 2004.
LOOKIN’ KINDA SHORT THERE, “TIM”.
“Tim Buckley’s” hair, circa 2005.
OH, BUT NOW IT’S LONG? WHAT A COINKYDINK, BUDDY!
Gee, where’d you get that idea, “Tim”? Maybe from me, you idea-stealing douche! I had long hair first, and you know it, and you didn’t grow your hair out until you saw mine. I’m doing all that can be done with long hair and you come and long hair it up too. Well this is a bandwagon of one, chump, and you’re not invited.
In case you have brain damage and could possibly doubt me, let’s take a closer look.
SEE, THEY’RE INDISTINGUISHABLE BROWNISH BLOBS! HE’S RIPPING OFF MY HAIR WHOLE CLOTH! WHOLE HAIR!
But it doesn’t stop there, folks. 8BT started in 2001. CAD started in 2002. Wow, what a total fucking surprise! What’s next, gonna get a red car too? Oh wait!
If you’ve been paying attention, you’re probably thinking, “Wow, Buckley needs to get some professional help.” Which is true. But if you’re really paying attention, you’re thinking, “Brian, why do you keep putting ‘Tim”s name in quotation marks like that?”
The answer is simple. “Tim Buckley” is not his name. “Tim Buckley” is the name of a musician from the ’70s. Just like everything in the parody that is “Tim’s” life, he ripped off this name in the hopes that it would further his career. We already had one Tim Buckley, there’s no room for another one, champ. His real name is Stan, but because no one named Stan has ever been famous, he changed it for the web.
That’s the kind of sicko we’re dealing with here, people. And that’s why I’ve taken this site from him. It has to stop. Here and now.